by Katie Pierce

Wedding practices are hinged on traditions that have been around for ages, and all of them are steeped in heteronormative ideas. Such customs can make it difficult for LGBTQ+ couples to plan their weddings, considering tradition didn’t take such unions into account when marriages became a rite of passage for couples.

Fortunately, modern-day wedding ceremonies offer a special opportunity to either reinvent or disregard these traditions, and allow couples to create the wedding of their dreams. Here are some ways you can revamp conventional nuptial roles so you can truly own your special day with your soon-to-be partner for life.

Talk About the Proposal

The wedding process begins with a proposal, in which the groom asks permission from the bride-to-be’s father, buys the ring, and gets down on one knee to pop the question. This practice shows that the proposal is mostly a one-sided affair on the groom’s part. Fortunately for LGBTQ+ couples, there is no hard set of rules that says this norm should be followed.

If you feel like you’re ready for marriage, talk to your partner about it. It’s important to tell each other how you want your engagement to come about. Should you ask them, or do you want them to ask you? Perhaps both of you want to be the ones to propose? Regardless of how you want it to go, talking about it ensures that both of you are on the same page.

Shop for Wedding Attire Together

Couples do nearly every aspect of wedding planning together; from choosing the wedding bands to finding the perfect venue. One exception is their respective attire.

Soon-to-be wed couples are likely to look for their wedding attire separately to surprise their partners. However, there is no harm in shopping together if that’s what you and your partner want. It’s not bad luck to see each other in your wedding outfits either.

Disregard Gender Labels for Your Wedding Party

Traditionally, the groom needs to have his best man and groomsmen while the bride delegates her maid of honor and bridesmaids. Queer couples can forego this norm and choose the members of their wedding party regardless of their gender.

What’s important is having the people you care about the most by your side and ensuring that they are aware of their duties — whether that’s picking out the right wedding flowers or getting ready with you and your partner on the big day.

Walk Down the Aisle Your Way

The custom of the father walking his daughter down the aisle and giving her hand to the groom stems from the outdated idea that women are the property of men. But this is modern times, and no one should be deemed as property of anyone — even if they are your child.

Therefore, you can either ignore or completely reinvent this norm. You can choose to walk down the aisle alone or with your parents, sibling, or best friend. Don’t like the idea of having everyone’s attention on you? Consider walking in first, with the guests following after you.

If you and your partner are both romantics, you can make your way to the altar together as a symbol of your desire of entering this union together.

Your wedding day is yours, so it’s up to you how it will go. You can choose to follow as many or as few traditions as you want. What’s important is that you will be celebrating your love and the start of a new chapter in your life with your soulmate.