The guest list. It’s one of your greatest struggles when wedding planning. How do you include everyone you want to, while still staying on budget and not offending anyone? Here’s the 411 on who needs to be invited to your wedding as a pair and who can be invited individually.

Getting Started with the Guest List

Putting together your guest list is one of the first things you need to do when planning your wedding. You can’t start venue shopping or getting quotes from caterers until you have at least a ballpark idea of how many people you expect.

I tell my clients to start large and whittle down from there. Put everyone you might possibly want to invite on the list to see how many you end up with, then start cutting until you’ve reached a reasonable number. Include all your family and friends, all your fiancé(e)’s family and friends, and the people both sets of parents might want to invite (if parents are contributing to the wedding). During this process, you’ll be confronted with the question of whether each guest should be invited individually or with a partner.

Married Couples & Engaged Couples

Couples that are either married or engaged MUST be invited as a pair. They are a social unit, and it’s simply unacceptable to invite one without the other. (Even if you did, they most likely wouldn’t attend without their partner.)

But what if one of your friends is married to a guy you don’t like? Too bad! You have to invite them together or not at all. And to be honest, you’ll barely notice that the guy is even there. You will be busy on your wedding day. You don’t get to spend a significant amount of time with anyone except your wedding party and your new spouse. So if your friend has to bring her annoying husband, just let it be.

Couples Who Live Together

Much like married and engaged couples, couples who live together have made a commitment to each other and should be considered a social unit. Some cohabitating couples have no intention of ever getting married, but they are a team and should be treated as such.

Couples in a Long-Term Relationship

In these cases, things get slightly trickier. It’s always polite to include a person’s partner in any social invitation. If you have the budget for it, you should invite long-term couples as a pair, even if you only know one half of the couple. My advice to clients is that anyone dating for more than one year should be considered long-term.

If you decide to invite only the half of the couple that you know, then you should be prepared for that person to decline the invitation. So if it’s someone important to you, go ahead and include their partner.

People Casually Dating or Singletons

You should feel no obligation to invite your less-attached friends and family with a plus-one. But again, it would be the gracious thing to do if your budget allows. Most people like to attend social events with someone, whether a date or a friend, especially if they won’t know anyone else there.

Avoid “& Guest”

Regardless of which category your guests fall into, try to track down names for everyone. No one likes to be relegated to “& Guest.” You will likely have to reach out to some people for their addresses anyway, which is also the perfect time to find out the name (first & last!) of their significant other. The exception to this is people who are single. At the time invitations go out, they likely won’t know who they might bring with them. But ideally they will put the guest’s name on the response card, because you’ll need it later for escort cards!

Envelope Addressing

Traditional wedding invitations came with two envelopes—an outer envelope where the formal titles and address were printed, and an inner envelope where just the informal names were printed. Today, it’s much more common to find invitations with only the outer envelope. If this is the case, it’s imperative that you find out the names of your guests’ partners. “& Guest” should never appear on an outer envelope. It’s just not done!

Example:

Outer envelope (married couple):
Mr. & Mrs. Stephen MacDougal
5436 Old Pine Lake Road
Wooster, Ohio 44278

Inner envelope:
Stephen & Patricia

Outer envelope (engaged, cohabitating, or serious couple):
Mr. Stephen MacDougal and
Ms. Patricia Regan
5436 Old Pine Lake Road
Wooster, Ohio 44278

Inner envelope:
Stephen & Patricia

Outer envelope (single guest):
Mr. Stephen MacDougal
5436 Old Pine Lake Road
Wooster, Ohio 44278

Inner envelope:
Stephen & Guest

Single envelope with single guest:
Mr. Stephen MacDougal
5436 Old Pine Lake Road
Wooster, Ohio 44278
Place a note inside letting Stephen know that he’s welcome to bring a guest and would he kindly include his/her name on the response card.

Do you have a tricky invitation situation that you need help with? Feel free to comment below or shoot me an email. I’m always happy to help!

TL;DR here’s a video link

This post was written by Sacramento wedding planner Risa Weaver-Enion. If you're feeling overwhelmed by planning your wedding, we are here for you! Read more about what we do on our Welcome and Packages pages. Email risa@risajamesevents.com if you have questions or want to inquire about getting help with wedding planning. And if you'd like to have future blog posts delivered to your inbox, please join our Insider’s Club on the Welcome page.